Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy,
Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of
age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE
(Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination)
. Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems
appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early
Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED
or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to the
employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give
you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely, The Management
From Wall Street to Main Street and everywhere in between, stay up-to-date
with the latest news.
Comments are closed.